Wednesday, May 30, 2001
Tuesday, May 29, 2001
We're doing poetry anthologys in English and this is just a link for me so I can get to it from school HERE
Thursday, May 24, 2001
Similies and Metaphors
1. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)
2. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)
3. The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of "Jeopardy!" (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)
4. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. (Jerry Pannullo, Kensington)
5. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. (Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington)
6. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. (Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington)
7. "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night. (Bonnie Speary Devore, Gaithersburg)
8. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. (John Kammer, Herndon)
9. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. (Barbara Collier, Garrett Park)
10. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. (Susan Reese, Arlington)
11. It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before. (Marian Carlsson, Lexington)
12. The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton. (J. F. Knowles, Springfield)
13. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
14. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. (Paul J. Kocak, Syracuse)
15. The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.
16. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)
17. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. (Susan Reese, Arlington)
18. She was as easy as the "TV Guide" crossword. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
19. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
20. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)
21. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
22. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)
23. Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first- generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened. (Sue Lin Chong, Washington)
24. A branch fell from the tree like a trunk falling off an elephant. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
25. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. (Sue Lin Chong, Washington)
26. The sardines were packed as tight as the coach section of a 747. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
1. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)
2. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)
3. The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of "Jeopardy!" (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)
4. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. (Jerry Pannullo, Kensington)
5. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. (Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington)
6. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. (Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington)
7. "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night. (Bonnie Speary Devore, Gaithersburg)
8. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. (John Kammer, Herndon)
9. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. (Barbara Collier, Garrett Park)
10. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. (Susan Reese, Arlington)
11. It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before. (Marian Carlsson, Lexington)
12. The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton. (J. F. Knowles, Springfield)
13. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
14. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. (Paul J. Kocak, Syracuse)
15. The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.
16. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)
17. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. (Susan Reese, Arlington)
18. She was as easy as the "TV Guide" crossword. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
19. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
20. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)
21. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
22. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)
23. Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first- generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened. (Sue Lin Chong, Washington)
24. A branch fell from the tree like a trunk falling off an elephant. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
25. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. (Sue Lin Chong, Washington)
26. The sardines were packed as tight as the coach section of a 747. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
Tuesday, May 22, 2001
Monday, May 21, 2001
Sunday, May 20, 2001
News from KPIG:
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. He was arrested few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
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Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
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A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture of handcuffs.
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Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
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A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
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Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
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Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
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True story from a Texas woman: I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into t he emergency room right away.
Thursday, May 17, 2001
Monday, May 14, 2001
Saturday, May 12, 2001
Friday, May 11, 2001
Monday, May 07, 2001
Wednesday, May 02, 2001
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