WOW! For the first time ever I liked watching the weather channel. The show is Evening Edition with Dave Schwartz and some other guy and they are really funny. -edit- I guess they are only substitutes and the real people are on vacation. -/edit-
"Well the new year is comming..." "no kidding" "and we'll see if you've been naughty or nice..."
Sunday, December 30, 2001
Friday, December 28, 2001
Thursday, December 27, 2001
Wednesday, December 26, 2001
Monday, December 24, 2001
Sunday, December 23, 2001
Thursday, December 20, 2001
This was real:
Man Crashes Car As 50 Pagers Ring At Once
KIEV (Reuters)--A Ukraine businessman who bought a pager for each member of his staff as a New Year gift was so alarmed when all 50 of them went off at the same time that he drove his car into a lamppost, a newspaper said Thursday.
The unnamed businessman was returning from the pager shop when the accident happened, the Fakty daily reported. "With no more than 100 meters to go to the office, the 50 pagers on the back seat suddenly burst out screeching. The businessman's fright was such that he simply let go of the steering wheel and the car ploughed into a lamppost."
After he had assessed the damage to the car, the businessman turned his attention to the message on the 50 pagers. It read: "Congratulations on a successful purchase!"
Man Crashes Car As 50 Pagers Ring At Once
KIEV (Reuters)--A Ukraine businessman who bought a pager for each member of his staff as a New Year gift was so alarmed when all 50 of them went off at the same time that he drove his car into a lamppost, a newspaper said Thursday.
The unnamed businessman was returning from the pager shop when the accident happened, the Fakty daily reported. "With no more than 100 meters to go to the office, the 50 pagers on the back seat suddenly burst out screeching. The businessman's fright was such that he simply let go of the steering wheel and the car ploughed into a lamppost."
After he had assessed the damage to the car, the businessman turned his attention to the message on the 50 pagers. It read: "Congratulations on a successful purchase!"
Tuesday, December 18, 2001
Monday, December 17, 2001
Friday, December 14, 2001
Thursday, December 13, 2001
Hey
The 'Film Club' is going to start a weekly show sometime that will air on Channel 6. Were going to be on the air live and mainly take calls from people about things they have for sale (like boats or fish tanks) but also talk to the people about 'stuff' like what they do and where they're from. I just finished making a three telephone line manager/switcher that can let the callers hear what we are saying and let us hear what they are saying.
The 'Film Club' is going to start a weekly show sometime that will air on Channel 6. Were going to be on the air live and mainly take calls from people about things they have for sale (like boats or fish tanks) but also talk to the people about 'stuff' like what they do and where they're from. I just finished making a three telephone line manager/switcher that can let the callers hear what we are saying and let us hear what they are saying.
Monday, December 10, 2001
Thursday, December 06, 2001
Tuesday, December 04, 2001
Monday, December 03, 2001
Sunday, December 02, 2001
Sunday, November 25, 2001
I just made some videos that will eventually be integrated into the juggling section and put them up here: http://homepage.mac.com/bavetta/FileSharing1.html
Saturday, November 24, 2001
Monday, November 19, 2001
Sunday, November 18, 2001
OK, it happened. I bought the Gamecube today, and I'm pumped! I got two games: Star Wars: Rogue Leader, and Wave Race: Blue Storm. They are both great. The lady at Kmart said they had 100 Gamecubes shipped to them yesterday or the day before. She said about 50 people showed up at midnight but they mistakingly turned them away when they had only sold about 30. I came in at about 9:00 this morning and they still had about 70 of them.
Saturday, November 17, 2001
I'm seriously thinking about getting a Nintendo GameCube from K-mart tommorow. I made a 180 from advocating the Xbox on Thursday afternoon and am now supporting the Gamecube. It has substantial graphics power, will have great games (Mario Kart! Man! Who can beat that?), is cheaper, and is much more trasportable than that Huge Xbox (check out a picture of the two in comparison: here)
Tuesday, November 13, 2001
Hey,
I strange thing just happened while I was getting out of the jacussi. As soon as I got out, my vision started fading so I got down into a croutch. Then, my vision completely went black and my hearing went so that everything was distant. My stomach got sick but I kept talking to my dad and he eventually told me to lie down, and a few minutes later I was fine. I think the jacussi was a little to hot, I stayed in a little too long, and I shouldn't have been in the deep seat.
I strange thing just happened while I was getting out of the jacussi. As soon as I got out, my vision started fading so I got down into a croutch. Then, my vision completely went black and my hearing went so that everything was distant. My stomach got sick but I kept talking to my dad and he eventually told me to lie down, and a few minutes later I was fine. I think the jacussi was a little to hot, I stayed in a little too long, and I shouldn't have been in the deep seat.
Monday, November 12, 2001
Hey,
It's snowing right now and is supposed to snow a great deal tonight. Watch the snow pile up on the Bavetta Cam I'm hoping for no school tommorow....
It's snowing right now and is supposed to snow a great deal tonight. Watch the snow pile up on the Bavetta Cam I'm hoping for no school tommorow....
Friday, November 09, 2001
Monday, November 05, 2001
Hey,
We developed our film today in photography. It was the first time I had done something like that and it was very interesting. We start by going into a pitch-black room and in there we have to open the film cannister, unwind the film, cut both ends, and then roll it up on this spindle like device. We then have to get this spindle into a jar and then put a lid on it. - And remember, this is all done in the dark! Phew! We then get to turn on the light and dump in a sorts of chemicals.
We developed our film today in photography. It was the first time I had done something like that and it was very interesting. We start by going into a pitch-black room and in there we have to open the film cannister, unwind the film, cut both ends, and then roll it up on this spindle like device. We then have to get this spindle into a jar and then put a lid on it. - And remember, this is all done in the dark! Phew! We then get to turn on the light and dump in a sorts of chemicals.
Sunday, November 04, 2001
Wednesday, October 31, 2001
There was once a snail that was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240Z, but he wants it repainted to read 240-S
The dealer asks, "Why?"
The snail replies, "S’ stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."
Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.
The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
--John Latsha
The dealer asks, "Why?"
The snail replies, "S’ stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."
Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.
The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
--John Latsha
Tuesday, October 30, 2001
Saturday, October 27, 2001
Friday, October 26, 2001
Sunday, October 21, 2001
So, today I went to the rec. center and helped take down the boards that will eventualy become the walls of haunted house. Tommorow they will hopefully get put into position and then we will start doing the decoration, and corral all the haunts into their designated rooms. I finished the arm flapper (I guess that's the right word for it - It still needs a hand as well as pants) whose picture is below. It's kinda cool, but I don't know if it's worth the hassle of the air compressor.
Wednesday, October 17, 2001
It's that time of year......Halloween, and the anual haunted house. This year I've built a new mat switch and relay box that turns things on or off when someone steps on the mat. I was just cruising the internet and came accross this: 
I'm starting to think I might rig this up as well. I already have all the electronics and pnematics that I used last year for the spring loaded coffin, all it would take is a few boards and a hinge. Hmmm...
I'm starting to think I might rig this up as well. I already have all the electronics and pnematics that I used last year for the spring loaded coffin, all it would take is a few boards and a hinge. Hmmm...
Tuesday, October 16, 2001
Saturday, October 13, 2001
Wednesday, October 10, 2001
When you're checking out the status of the laundry room at MIT (see below) be sure to check out the staus of the bathrooms too.
Tuesday, October 09, 2001
Thursday, September 27, 2001
Tuesday, September 25, 2001
Silence This Surgeon...
Things you do not want to hear during surgery:
1. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
2. Someone call the janitor. We're going to need a mop.
3. Accept this sacrifice, O great god of the Volcano.
4. Bo Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!
5. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
6. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
7. Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?
8. OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
9. And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.
10. Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.
Andrew
Things you do not want to hear during surgery:
1. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
2. Someone call the janitor. We're going to need a mop.
3. Accept this sacrifice, O great god of the Volcano.
4. Bo Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!
5. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
6. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
7. Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?
8. OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
9. And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.
10. Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.
Andrew
Wednesday, September 12, 2001
Monday, September 03, 2001
Show me the monkey! It's dumb, it's usless, and overall it is pretty stupid; so I thought it deserves to be here.
Thursday, August 30, 2001
Monday, August 27, 2001
Sunday, August 26, 2001
Saturday, August 25, 2001
Bad Puns
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."
* * *
A horse goes into a bar and the bartender says: "Why the long face?"
* * *
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows readers digest and writers cramp.
* * *
A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom says, "Why? I'm a fun guy!"
* * *
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
* * *
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned.
* * *
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
* * *
These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his Mother to go and ask the friars to get out of the business. They ignored her too. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
* * *
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a huge fancy chrome plate. He asks the waiter, "What's with the fancy plate?" The waiter replies, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
* * *
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"
* * *
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank–proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
* * *
Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie.
* * *
What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in France? Linoleum blownapart.
* * *
An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two-story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. He challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys. "Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?" The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."
* * *
There was a Scottish tradesman, a painter called Jock, who was very interested in making a pound where he could, so he often would thin down paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Presbyterian Church decided to do a big restoration job on the roof of one their biggest churches. Jock put in a bid, and because his price was so competitive, he got the job. And so he set to, with a right good will, erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with the turpentine. Well, Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened, and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the church and knocking Jock fair off the scaffold to land on the lawn, among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint. Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?" And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke: "Repaint! Repaint and thin no more!"
* * *
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!" "No matter," said the man. "Observe!" And he began strikng the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carrilon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?" "I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."
* * *
WAIT! WAIT! There's more . . . .
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Nortre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty." The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. 'What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly. "I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, " but . . .
"he's a dead ringer for his brother!"
* * *
A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their lives studying the grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone National Park to study the bears. Finally, their requests were granted, and they immediately flew to Yellowstone. They reported to the ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was too dangerous to go out and study the animals. They pleaded that this was their only chance, and finally the ranger relented. The Russian and the Czech were given portable phones and told to report in every day. For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the camp completely ravaged, with no sign of the missing men. Following the trails of a male and a female bear, they finally caught up with the female. Fearing an international incident, they decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientist. They killed the female bear and opened its stomach to find the remains of the Russian scientist. One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?" The other ranger nodded and responded, "I guess it means the Czech is in the male."
* * *
A spokesperson for the U. S. Mint announced that a new fifty-cent piece was being issued to honor two great American patriots. On one side of the coin would be Theodore Roosevelt and on the other side, Nathan Hale. Asked why two people were going to be on the same coin, the official replied, "Now, when you toss a coin you can simply call, Ted's or Hale's."
* * *
Two robins sat in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Me, too," said the second. "Let's fly down and find some lunch." They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was just full of worms. They ate and ate and ate until they could eat no more. "I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up into the tree," said the first one. "Me either. Let's just lay back here and bask in the warm sun," said the second. "OK," said the first. So they plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, a big fat tomcat snuck up and gobbled them up. As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought...
"I just love baskin' robins."
* * *
A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
* * *
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedated lions for immortal porpoises.
* * *
A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
* * *
Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling West. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
* * *
A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
* * *
An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk hide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
* * *
A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."
* * *
All the patients were standing in the courtyard of the mental hospital, singing "Ave Maria" and singing it beautifully. Oddly, each patient was holding an apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil. A visitor listened in awe to the performance and then approached the conductor of the choir. "I am a retired choir director," he said. "This is one of the best choirs I have ever heard." "Yes, I'm very proud of them," said the conductor. "You should take them on tour," said the visitor, "what are they called?" "Surely that's obvious," replied the conductor. . . "They're the Moron Tapanapple Choir."
* * *
A mechanic once owned a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass in the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown. One day the mechanic was working on a car in his backyard and dropped his wrench losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of him so he decided to call it a day. That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard. The next morning, the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened, he looked up to the heavens and proclaimed... "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound that saved a wrench for me!"
Bruce
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."
* * *
A horse goes into a bar and the bartender says: "Why the long face?"
* * *
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows readers digest and writers cramp.
* * *
A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom says, "Why? I'm a fun guy!"
* * *
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
* * *
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned.
* * *
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
* * *
These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his Mother to go and ask the friars to get out of the business. They ignored her too. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
* * *
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a huge fancy chrome plate. He asks the waiter, "What's with the fancy plate?" The waiter replies, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
* * *
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"
* * *
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank–proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
* * *
Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie.
* * *
What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in France? Linoleum blownapart.
* * *
An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two-story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. He challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys. "Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?" The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."
* * *
There was a Scottish tradesman, a painter called Jock, who was very interested in making a pound where he could, so he often would thin down paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Presbyterian Church decided to do a big restoration job on the roof of one their biggest churches. Jock put in a bid, and because his price was so competitive, he got the job. And so he set to, with a right good will, erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with the turpentine. Well, Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened, and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the church and knocking Jock fair off the scaffold to land on the lawn, among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint. Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?" And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke: "Repaint! Repaint and thin no more!"
* * *
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!" "No matter," said the man. "Observe!" And he began strikng the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carrilon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?" "I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."
* * *
WAIT! WAIT! There's more . . . .
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Nortre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty." The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. 'What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly. "I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, " but . . .
"he's a dead ringer for his brother!"
* * *
A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their lives studying the grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone National Park to study the bears. Finally, their requests were granted, and they immediately flew to Yellowstone. They reported to the ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was too dangerous to go out and study the animals. They pleaded that this was their only chance, and finally the ranger relented. The Russian and the Czech were given portable phones and told to report in every day. For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the camp completely ravaged, with no sign of the missing men. Following the trails of a male and a female bear, they finally caught up with the female. Fearing an international incident, they decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientist. They killed the female bear and opened its stomach to find the remains of the Russian scientist. One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?" The other ranger nodded and responded, "I guess it means the Czech is in the male."
* * *
A spokesperson for the U. S. Mint announced that a new fifty-cent piece was being issued to honor two great American patriots. On one side of the coin would be Theodore Roosevelt and on the other side, Nathan Hale. Asked why two people were going to be on the same coin, the official replied, "Now, when you toss a coin you can simply call, Ted's or Hale's."
* * *
Two robins sat in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Me, too," said the second. "Let's fly down and find some lunch." They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was just full of worms. They ate and ate and ate until they could eat no more. "I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up into the tree," said the first one. "Me either. Let's just lay back here and bask in the warm sun," said the second. "OK," said the first. So they plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, a big fat tomcat snuck up and gobbled them up. As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought...
"I just love baskin' robins."
* * *
A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
* * *
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedated lions for immortal porpoises.
* * *
A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
* * *
Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling West. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
* * *
A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
* * *
An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk hide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
* * *
A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."
* * *
All the patients were standing in the courtyard of the mental hospital, singing "Ave Maria" and singing it beautifully. Oddly, each patient was holding an apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil. A visitor listened in awe to the performance and then approached the conductor of the choir. "I am a retired choir director," he said. "This is one of the best choirs I have ever heard." "Yes, I'm very proud of them," said the conductor. "You should take them on tour," said the visitor, "what are they called?" "Surely that's obvious," replied the conductor. . . "They're the Moron Tapanapple Choir."
* * *
A mechanic once owned a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass in the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown. One day the mechanic was working on a car in his backyard and dropped his wrench losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of him so he decided to call it a day. That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard. The next morning, the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened, he looked up to the heavens and proclaimed... "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound that saved a wrench for me!"
Bruce
Monday, August 20, 2001
Tuesday, August 14, 2001
Monday, August 06, 2001
Saturday, August 04, 2001
Warning Labels
These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...
ON A HAIRDRYER:
*Do not use while sleeping.
ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
*You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
*Directions: Use like regular soap.
FROZEN DINNER SERVING SUGGESTION:
*Defrost.
ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX:
*Fits one head.
ON TESCO'S TIRAMISU DESERT:
*Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:
*Product will be hot after heating.
ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:
*Do not iron clothes on body.
ON BOOTS' CHILDREN'S COUGH MEDICINE:
*Do not drive car or operate machinery.
ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):
*Warning: May cause drowsiness.
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
*Warning: Keep out of children.
ON A STRING OF CHINESE-MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:
*For indoor or outdoor use only.
ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:
*Not to be used for the other use.
ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS:
*Warning: contains nuts
ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES' PACKET OF NUTS:
*Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW:
*Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...
ON A HAIRDRYER:
*Do not use while sleeping.
ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
*You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
*Directions: Use like regular soap.
FROZEN DINNER SERVING SUGGESTION:
*Defrost.
ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX:
*Fits one head.
ON TESCO'S TIRAMISU DESERT:
*Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:
*Product will be hot after heating.
ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:
*Do not iron clothes on body.
ON BOOTS' CHILDREN'S COUGH MEDICINE:
*Do not drive car or operate machinery.
ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):
*Warning: May cause drowsiness.
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
*Warning: Keep out of children.
ON A STRING OF CHINESE-MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:
*For indoor or outdoor use only.
ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:
*Not to be used for the other use.
ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS:
*Warning: contains nuts
ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES' PACKET OF NUTS:
*Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW:
*Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
Tuesday, July 31, 2001
My congas shipped today (finally!) Musicians Friend has very good customer service (they answer the phone right away) but they said they were changing warehouses right now so everything was kind of messed up.
Monday, July 30, 2001
Sunday, July 29, 2001
Hey! Here's a cool science thingamabober that I just discovered while fiddling around at work today. I noticed that if you take a rubber band, stretch it between your fingers, hold it vertically infront of the computer screen and then flick it, you can see the motion of the rubber band. It is very cool! Try it!
Friday, July 27, 2001
Tuesday, July 24, 2001
Signs Found at Businesses
On a plumber's truck: We repair what your husband fixed.
On a plumber's truck: Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.
Pizza shop slogan: 7 days without pizza makes one weak.
At a tire shop: Invite us to your next blowout.
Door of a plastic surgeon's office: Hello. Can we help you pick your nose?
At a towing company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
On an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.
On a maternity room door: Push. Push. Push.
At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
In a podiatrist's office: Time wounds all heels.
At a car dealership: The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment.
Outside a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.
In a veterinarian's waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
In the front yard of a funeral home: Drive carefully. We'll wait.
On a plumber's truck: We repair what your husband fixed.
On a plumber's truck: Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.
Pizza shop slogan: 7 days without pizza makes one weak.
At a tire shop: Invite us to your next blowout.
Door of a plastic surgeon's office: Hello. Can we help you pick your nose?
At a towing company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
On an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.
On a maternity room door: Push. Push. Push.
At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
In a podiatrist's office: Time wounds all heels.
At a car dealership: The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment.
Outside a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.
In a veterinarian's waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
In the front yard of a funeral home: Drive carefully. We'll wait.
Sentences Found in Patients' Medical Charts
1. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
1. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
Monday, July 23, 2001
Sunday, July 22, 2001
Friday, July 20, 2001
Tuesday, July 17, 2001
I installed Windows XP Release Canadate 1 (Beta) last night. I like it. It runs faster than Windows Me and has more stuff in it. The mouse even has a shadow. It says you can do a thing like "PCanywhere" or "laplink", through the help software, where you can work on someone elses computer over the net (it's made so geeks can fix other people's computers)
Sunday, July 15, 2001
Saturday, July 14, 2001
Wednesday, July 11, 2001
Tuesday, July 10, 2001
I no longer like the "doteasy.com" web hosting place. They disabled my ftp access (the only way I make changes to the site including posting things like this, the webcam, and everything else) because I had a webcam and was dragging down their connection. Ya, right. if it hardly dents my connection how could it ever impact their T1. Anyway, I've been down for 3 days now and will probably not be up again for another day or two. BOOOO!!!!!
Saturday, July 07, 2001
Friday, July 06, 2001
I just did a big site move. Now everything should be under "bavetta.com" Apparently Pacbell was dropping their hosting service and any pages in it would be deleted (that's being considerate). I found this place called "doteasy.com" which does web hosting without banners for a one-time fee of $35 - not bad, not bad at all.
Monday, July 02, 2001
Saturday, June 30, 2001
Friday, June 29, 2001
Tuesday, June 19, 2001
Thursday, June 14, 2001
"My Report on the Cold War"
The cold war happened in the winter. They did not have sweaters or jackets back then (they weren't invented yet) so they were indeed very cold (this is where the phrase "It's cold in here" originated). The war was over the boiling tapioca mix which was kept over a fire and used to soak in, much like the present day Jacuzzi. Some people thought it was too hot, others thought it was too cold. These two major groups separated into parties who named themselves the "Republicans" and the "Democrats" ("repu" from the Latin "too hot" and "demo" from the Latin "no way!")
The cold war happened in the winter. They did not have sweaters or jackets back then (they weren't invented yet) so they were indeed very cold (this is where the phrase "It's cold in here" originated). The war was over the boiling tapioca mix which was kept over a fire and used to soak in, much like the present day Jacuzzi. Some people thought it was too hot, others thought it was too cold. These two major groups separated into parties who named themselves the "Republicans" and the "Democrats" ("repu" from the Latin "too hot" and "demo" from the Latin "no way!")
Friday, June 08, 2001
The following are actual English subtitles appearing in Hong Kong films:
I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
Gun wounds again?
Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
Darn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken
Take my advice, or I'll spank you a lot.
Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum.
I am sure you will not mind that I remove your toenails and leave them out on
the desert floor for ants to eat.
Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out! I will surround their house by myself.
You daring lousy guy.
Beat him out of recognizable shape!
Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can
now deliver you violently to your doctor for a thorough extermination.
I have been scared silly too much lately.
I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
How can you use my intestines as a gift?
Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a
team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some of the giant lizard persons.
Your western eyes will be fingered from your face.
This hot sword will pierce your family dynasty.
The Americans will not save you for Christmas.
Both of you will die when the sun hits the bell.
Feeling sexual we will invade into your women.
You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice
I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
Gun wounds again?
Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
Darn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken
Take my advice, or I'll spank you a lot.
Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum.
I am sure you will not mind that I remove your toenails and leave them out on
the desert floor for ants to eat.
Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out! I will surround their house by myself.
You daring lousy guy.
Beat him out of recognizable shape!
Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can
now deliver you violently to your doctor for a thorough extermination.
I have been scared silly too much lately.
I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
How can you use my intestines as a gift?
Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a
team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some of the giant lizard persons.
Your western eyes will be fingered from your face.
This hot sword will pierce your family dynasty.
The Americans will not save you for Christmas.
Both of you will die when the sun hits the bell.
Feeling sexual we will invade into your women.
You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice
Thursday, June 07, 2001
Sunday, June 03, 2001
Saturday, June 02, 2001
Ok, second day on the job at Lake Tahoe Online:
I was there, by myself I should add, answering calls e-mails and the occasonal discruntaled user that came to the office in person from 9 to 5 today. The questions were on everything and I had only 40 minutes of training the day before: wireless connections, credit cards, using e-mail, dial-up, ISDN, ect. I could answer only about half of them, but it was cool how the people were after it was fixed. BTW the regular office phone was down (pacbell said they couldn't get someone out to fix it until Monday) so I probably didn't get as many phone calls as I normaly would (thank God). So, now I have to work on the two reports which are due Monday in Spanish and Bio, also all of last weeks PreCalc homework ~ wow!
I was there, by myself I should add, answering calls e-mails and the occasonal discruntaled user that came to the office in person from 9 to 5 today. The questions were on everything and I had only 40 minutes of training the day before: wireless connections, credit cards, using e-mail, dial-up, ISDN, ect. I could answer only about half of them, but it was cool how the people were after it was fixed. BTW the regular office phone was down (pacbell said they couldn't get someone out to fix it until Monday) so I probably didn't get as many phone calls as I normaly would (thank God). So, now I have to work on the two reports which are due Monday in Spanish and Bio, also all of last weeks PreCalc homework ~ wow!
Wednesday, May 30, 2001
Tuesday, May 29, 2001
We're doing poetry anthologys in English and this is just a link for me so I can get to it from school HERE
Thursday, May 24, 2001
Similies and Metaphors
1. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)
2. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)
3. The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of "Jeopardy!" (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)
4. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. (Jerry Pannullo, Kensington)
5. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. (Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington)
6. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. (Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington)
7. "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night. (Bonnie Speary Devore, Gaithersburg)
8. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. (John Kammer, Herndon)
9. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. (Barbara Collier, Garrett Park)
10. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. (Susan Reese, Arlington)
11. It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before. (Marian Carlsson, Lexington)
12. The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton. (J. F. Knowles, Springfield)
13. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
14. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. (Paul J. Kocak, Syracuse)
15. The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.
16. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)
17. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. (Susan Reese, Arlington)
18. She was as easy as the "TV Guide" crossword. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
19. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
20. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)
21. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
22. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)
23. Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first- generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened. (Sue Lin Chong, Washington)
24. A branch fell from the tree like a trunk falling off an elephant. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
25. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. (Sue Lin Chong, Washington)
26. The sardines were packed as tight as the coach section of a 747. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
1. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)
2. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)
3. The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of "Jeopardy!" (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)
4. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. (Jerry Pannullo, Kensington)
5. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. (Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington)
6. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. (Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington)
7. "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night. (Bonnie Speary Devore, Gaithersburg)
8. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. (John Kammer, Herndon)
9. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. (Barbara Collier, Garrett Park)
10. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. (Susan Reese, Arlington)
11. It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before. (Marian Carlsson, Lexington)
12. The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton. (J. F. Knowles, Springfield)
13. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
14. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. (Paul J. Kocak, Syracuse)
15. The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.
16. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)
17. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. (Susan Reese, Arlington)
18. She was as easy as the "TV Guide" crossword. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
19. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
20. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)
21. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
22. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)
23. Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first- generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened. (Sue Lin Chong, Washington)
24. A branch fell from the tree like a trunk falling off an elephant. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
25. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. (Sue Lin Chong, Washington)
26. The sardines were packed as tight as the coach section of a 747. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
Tuesday, May 22, 2001
Monday, May 21, 2001
Sunday, May 20, 2001
News from KPIG:
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. He was arrested few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
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Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
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A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture of handcuffs.
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Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
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A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
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Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
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Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
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True story from a Texas woman: I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into t he emergency room right away.
Thursday, May 17, 2001
Monday, May 14, 2001
Saturday, May 12, 2001
Friday, May 11, 2001
Monday, May 07, 2001
Wednesday, May 02, 2001
Friday, April 27, 2001
New York was great!
We went to:
Wall Street, The New York Stock Exchange, The Statue of Liberty, The United Nations, the subway, Times Square, and Ellis Island. We were on the Today show (in the crowd where Al Roker stands), saw ABC's headquarters (where they do Good Morning America), the Late Show with David Letterman building (they weren't taping that week), The Lion King on Broadway, Blast! (musical), MTV TRL building, ate at some good restraunts and.......we also went to Boston where we flew home.
We went to:
Wall Street, The New York Stock Exchange, The Statue of Liberty, The United Nations, the subway, Times Square, and Ellis Island. We were on the Today show (in the crowd where Al Roker stands), saw ABC's headquarters (where they do Good Morning America), the Late Show with David Letterman building (they weren't taping that week), The Lion King on Broadway, Blast! (musical), MTV TRL building, ate at some good restraunts and.......we also went to Boston where we flew home.
WOW! internet connection problems from "you know where", with a tech support system from the same place! ("I'll need you to reinstall the Software." "Again!!!! I've done it three times!!!" "I cant escallate the case if you don't. I cant escallate the case if you don't. I cant escallate the case if you don't. I cant escallate the case if you don't. I cant escallate the case if you don't.) Arrrrrrrrggggg!!!!!!!
But now (after about TWO WEEKS!) its finnaly working again. It turned out we "weren't in a router" which was exactlly what we thought since we had the SAME problem when we first set this thing up! (which also took hours of being on hold with that beautiful hold music, yeah right)
But now (after about TWO WEEKS!) its finnaly working again. It turned out we "weren't in a router" which was exactlly what we thought since we had the SAME problem when we first set this thing up! (which also took hours of being on hold with that beautiful hold music, yeah right)
Friday, April 13, 2001
Much has been going on: 2 days ago I went on a feild trip with Laraza 2 to Boomtown and the Imax; they closed the highway while we were comming back and it took us maybe an extra hour or two to get home at, ummm... maybe 7:30, all while I had an essay to write!
The DSL at mom's house is down due to mysterious reasons (that's why the cam isn't working and also why I haven't said anything on this thing for a while)
New York, New York!!! here we go! Sunday my mom and I are leaving on a plane and staying over Easter week. I'll record everything we do and post it when we get back.
The DSL at mom's house is down due to mysterious reasons (that's why the cam isn't working and also why I haven't said anything on this thing for a while)
New York, New York!!! here we go! Sunday my mom and I are leaving on a plane and staying over Easter week. I'll record everything we do and post it when we get back.
Sunday, April 08, 2001
Friday, April 06, 2001
Thursday, April 05, 2001
We, the film club, did a "rehersal" for the Optical Pleasure Film Festival after school today. Some, if not all, of the filming will take place tommorow. We're going to show "Poolhouse" by Breen, Baker, and Mike, "Dream" by Joe, "Behind the Band: The Phsyco Dust Monkeys" (or something like that) by Dusty, and an animation by Marcus; maybe some others too.
Wednesday, April 04, 2001
Sunday, April 01, 2001
Saturday, March 31, 2001
from slashdot: "Just a few weeks after the sun's peak in its 11 year cycle, two large CME's (Coronal Mass Ejections) occured on the surface of the sun. Now, as the effects of those eruptions reach earth, we're experiencing an excellent season of aurora, or "Northern Lights". Fantastic red aurora are being reported as far south as central California, and amateur and professional astronomers as far south as 40 degrees latitude are on watch. SpaceWeather.com has all the breaking news, as well as details of the CME's which occurred earlier this week. Take a step outside, get some fresh air, and enjoy the sky. You might just be treated to a rare astronomical opportunity."
Wednesday, March 28, 2001
Monday, March 26, 2001
Did you know? --More than half of the world is lactose intolerant, meaning they cannot digest any more than about a pint of milk a day. A very interesting chapter about milk, its early uses, contents and using it in cooking.
Sunday, March 25, 2001
Friday, March 23, 2001
So.....here's a summary of what's behind me in the webcam picture: Me in my dream car (It's actually a Z3 and I want a Z8 now), Sirius Satellite Radio stickers, Walt Disney World Pictures, Autographed Pictures of Patrick Norton, Martin Sargent, Silicon Ali, and Leo Laporte (of TechTV), a TechTV Sticker, a promo Data Play disk, TDRS satellite pictures (my dad's work for 8 years), Costa Rica pictures, a Weiner Dog, Beware of Dog sign, Flying Microlight in Mexico Picture, and a Northern California road trip Picture, and.....well thats all.
Wednesday, March 21, 2001
Monday, March 19, 2001
Here's a prototype of the bavetta.com shirt: shirt The nametag on the top will be on the front and be customisable to the owners name.......still under development....
Sunday, March 18, 2001
Juglito Ergo Sum - I Juggle Therefore I Am Yesterday I went to a St. Patricks day party where everyone had to tell a story, sing a song, show a talent or tell a joke. -I juggled. Be like the Flying Karamazov Brothers, learn how to juggle :-) Oh, and also get a '46 Chevy school bus, rivet a VW van on top, and paint vegetables on the hood.
Saturday, March 17, 2001
HEADLINES YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED
Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Clinton Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Miners Refuse To Work After Death
Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found By Tree
Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
War Dims Hope For Peace
Deer Kill 17,000
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
Ban On Soliciting Dead In Trotwood
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Clinton Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Miners Refuse To Work After Death
Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found By Tree
Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
War Dims Hope For Peace
Deer Kill 17,000
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
Ban On Soliciting Dead In Trotwood
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Thursday, March 15, 2001
Wednesday, March 14, 2001
In my essay I took the stance that none of our first amendment rights should be comprimised in school, but in reality I don't completely agree. I think it's necessary for some restrictions to be made in order to maximize an educational and safe environment. I've found that it's sometimes easier to argue the other side rather than basing the essay on my own opinion.
Tuesday, March 13, 2001
"A Bavetta Masterpiece Collection - Mix From the Blender" (aka Bavetta's Mix 7) is now complete and contains:
1. "Unquestionably an immensely powerful field of energy is being generated around here somewhere. "
2.James Brown - Hot Pants
3.Only the Strong - Zoom Zoom
4.Miriam Makeba - Pata Pata
5.Jimmy Buffet - Quietly Making Noise
6.King Harvest - Dancing in the Moonlight
7.Lordon Wainwright III - Dead Skunk
8.Bare Naked Ladies - If I Had a Million Dollars
9.Various - New Orleans
10.Intermission
11.Traditional Italian Tango
12.Main Street Pianist - Maple Leaf Rag
13.Louis Armstong - What a Wonderful World
14.Sergio Mendes - Mas Que Nada
15.Vaughn Monroe - Ghost Riders in the Sky
16.B.B. King - Mean Ole' World
17.Keb' Mo - A Better Man
18.Santana - Evil Ways
19.Sam & Dave - Soul Man
20.Jim Croce - Bad Bad Leroy Brown
21.Todd Snider - Keep Off the Grass
22.Bob Seger - Old Time Rock and Roll
23.Eagles - Hotel California
24."Paul Harvy, Goodday"
-some suggestions by Breen and Baker
1. "Unquestionably an immensely powerful field of energy is being generated around here somewhere. "
2.James Brown - Hot Pants
3.Only the Strong - Zoom Zoom
4.Miriam Makeba - Pata Pata
5.Jimmy Buffet - Quietly Making Noise
6.King Harvest - Dancing in the Moonlight
7.Lordon Wainwright III - Dead Skunk
8.Bare Naked Ladies - If I Had a Million Dollars
9.Various - New Orleans
10.Intermission
11.Traditional Italian Tango
12.Main Street Pianist - Maple Leaf Rag
13.Louis Armstong - What a Wonderful World
14.Sergio Mendes - Mas Que Nada
15.Vaughn Monroe - Ghost Riders in the Sky
16.B.B. King - Mean Ole' World
17.Keb' Mo - A Better Man
18.Santana - Evil Ways
19.Sam & Dave - Soul Man
20.Jim Croce - Bad Bad Leroy Brown
21.Todd Snider - Keep Off the Grass
22.Bob Seger - Old Time Rock and Roll
23.Eagles - Hotel California
24."Paul Harvy, Goodday"
-some suggestions by Breen and Baker
Sunday, March 11, 2001
Another week, another weekend, more homework...The electric motor that I ordered came on Friday. It's pretty cool. It goes. Now I have to figure out something to do with it, and I'm still figuring out how it works. There are 5 wires comming out of the thing! It weighs a lot (It's a pretty hefty motor) and grease spills out of it when you overheat it. The CD-burner ish fighting with me; Apparently it thinks making coasters is funny.
Saturday, March 10, 2001
Friday, March 09, 2001
Thursday, March 08, 2001
I've been doing some ordering over the internet recently: I ordered a book from Amazon and a electric motor from ebay. I love how this works. I just got the book today -BAM- it got here that fast, and the motor should be comming tommorow. What do I need a motor for? Well I'm planning on making a gizmo thingie...I'll explain as work progresses, but I got the idea from the Exploratorium. If you're ever in San Francisco, swing by the Exploratorium - and say Bavetta sent you.
Tuesday, March 06, 2001
I went driving with my mom after school today - the roads have gotten that much more dangerous California requires 50 hours of driving time with an adult, that 50 hours!!! I've only done about well, I guess about, mmm mabye, four total...over the course of a few months. I need to get my act together.
Monday, March 05, 2001
Sunday, March 04, 2001
We went skiing today. It was snowing in the morning, Slushing by midday, and raining by the afternoon; there was some good snow though, off the main trails. Looks like it will snow a lot tonight and tommorow (total for above 7000 feet is 2 feet) so I'm hoping for a snow day from school tommorow... Mongolian BBQ tonight...mmmmm.....
Saturday, March 03, 2001
Friday, March 02, 2001
It's Friday and boy am I ready for the weekend! I'll probably be skiing tommorow and the next day @ Northstar.
Thursday, March 01, 2001
A cool site to visit: Ventures by Patrick Combs, a motivational speaker. "There's a little Ferris Bueller in all of us." Read about his $95,035.35 adventure, where he cashed a junk mail check just for fun, and it cleared, and many others...
Back from school and I'm exausted! Phew! I guess I stayed up too late last night. I got "Dinosaur" the movie on DVD for the new CDRW/DVD combo drive that came in the mail, and I gotta say I'm pretty impressed. Not from the movie, although it was pretty cool too, but from the unbeliveable picture quality. It makes the computer monitor like an HD-TV. Way cool -Plus no fast-forwarding or rewinding. Pull out the pop-corn...
Wednesday, February 28, 2001
Tip: To save any of my pages as a favorite, right click on the link to it at the bottom of any page (except this one, right now at least) and choose: add to favorites. This will get you the bar on the left in addition to the page you want to bookmark (otherwise you would get the page you want, but without the bar)
Hey, the lava lamp has distracted me from writing for a good hour or so...My mom is thinking about putting a window in my room. In the plans there's supposed to be another window. I think this would be cool...but I also think my room would get covered in saw dust and I wouldn't be able to enter it for a good week. So.......I better get back to work...
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